Blog

Sometimes a good book…

Last year I took up the Goodreads challenge and read through nearly fifty books. This year I set my sights a bit lower, although I still read everything I get my hands on for the most part. I’ve replaced some of the reading time with actual writing time. I finally had a decent edit job put on A Man Called Doosh and finished the rough draft of Tales From the Sunset Pub (in the editing process now). I hope to get that back soon and finish the edits/re-writes and get that online. I think the stories in the book seemed to take on a life of their own. It’s not easy writing a book with multiple genres, but I did and I sincerely think anyone who picks it up won’t regret it! The stories are of that kind of quality.

It’s that kind of quality that I’m writing about now. I wanted to share some of the books that I’ve finished in the recent past because they are the kind of books that stir your head and your heart for one reason or another. They are the kind of books that after you read them they never seem to leave you.

Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy is one such book. It lingers with you, the story is powerful.

God made the world, but he didnt make it to suit everybody, did he?

Do Cool Shit by Miki Agrawal is another great book that serves as a reminder that time is short, we have only today. Live accordingly and go bold into the future so that you can live each day as it’s the only thing. After all, it’s the most important day of all.

Anyway, go check out those two books. You’ll thank me later. I’ll add more to this list soon. These two stick out the most lately.

January 29, 2017

Hopefully this year we’ll see another great game and some funny commercials during the Super Bowl, one of the biggest television events of the year. However, I’m a bit concerned that the halftime show is going to ruin the game. Not because I don’t like Lady Gaga. She’s incredibly talented and I’ve seen video of some of her live performances. She’s a great performer. What I’m worried about is POLITICS. After such a f’ed up year with politics and everyone ending up hating each other and completely ruining social media, I’m hoping that politics and any form of social agenda isn’t rammed down my throat during the performance.

I absolutely hate having my sports and entertainment mixed with politics. I understand we all have opinions and want to make a difference. That’s great! But infusing it into sports is just a way of pissing off literally half your audience. When people took a knee during the national anthem this year I simply changed the channel. There are a million other things to watch than that. The guy could have gotten his point across without coming across looking like an American hating asshole as he cashes his million dollar checks. That goes for the other athletes that do the same. You might have a great point to make, but please make it another way. Same way for entertainers who collect awards and preach their politics as they stand there in a suit or a dress that costs more than most people make in half a years’ wages. This past year has brought me to the point that I don’t give a shit what an athlete or entertainer thinks or about their politics if they can’t do it in a manner that doesn’t divide people. Too much of that going on in this country from both sides of the political isle. We don’t need entertainers and athletes making it worse.

I hope for a great performance by Lady Gaga. However, if politics is brought into it then I’ll change the channel and just catch the highlights on the local news later on. The NFL has seen its ratings drop significantly this year. We all know why.

July 16—Ghostbusters Remake

A few words about the new Ghostbusters movie. First of all, no spoilers here. Second, ignore all the critics who have trashed this movie. I almost always ignore critics of anything. Something about not liking when people tell me how to think and feel about something I have not yet experienced for myself. I can make up my own mind, thank you. The movie was fun and entertaining, in my opinion. Go see it. Decide for yourself.

Ok, here’s a bit of my opinion/critique (for what it’s worth). The movie was a remake of the original but as with all remakes, the director makes a few changes for creative purposes, so it’s not an “exact” remake. Some of the original cast did cameos in the film, which I thought was pretty neat. If you are avoiding the movie because the new Ghostbusters are all gals, get over yourself. They were funny, and the biggest reason I didn’t get bored with the remake.

The problem I had with this remake had nothing to do with the gals, it probably had more to do with whoever settles on the overall vision of the movie…probably the director. The original film, although considered a comedy, had dark overtones. They actually took the paranormal seriously. Bill Murray and cast worked well with that theme and it was their comedic wit that made that movie a classic. The special effects in this film were too “bright” and just came across a bit cartoonish for a movie that was essentially about the paranormal with some comedy dripped in. It was almost like a parody, but not…if that makes any sense. That had nothing to do with the female lead characters. I felt they made the movie better than it probably was.

But, it was a fun movie. If you are expecting something closer to the original, not happening here. But go see the film, make up your own mind. Thoughts and opinions? Feel free to share.

April 27–It’s only money!

Harriet Tubman for the $20! Why the hell not?

No? Well, hell! I have a solution for this situation. Just hear me out.

There sure are a lot of pissed off folks about the upcoming new $20 bill. So after a week or so of reading people’s various Twitter and Facebook comments on the subject, I guess I’ll toss in my two cents, for whatever that’s worth (literally and figuratively).

Personally, I don’t give a shit who is on the money, but I have a great solution to updating our currency that should make everyone happy. Do you ever wonder why our money only honors politicians…those historical figures that reached a high level of power or influence like the presidency? We get used to seeing them and we are a rigid society that doesn’t tolerate change too quickly or easily. So, when the discussion began about putting a woman on one of the paper bills people were quick to react and either like the idea or hate it. Those that hate the idea said it was another example of political correctness to appease the feminists, or minorities. Those that like it say it’s about time!

Our nation is nearly $20 trillion in debt. So when you look at that $20 bill in your hand does it really matter who the hell is on it? After all, it’s just a piece of paper that has less buying power than it did a year ago, and will be worth even less next year. It’s worth only what it will buy when you go the gas pump, the grocery store, or to buy necessities at Walmart. Put Harriet Tubman on there. Put Snoopy on it for all I care. But most people care, so here’s the solution.

Let’s include Americans who have made their mark on America in a positive way that are culturally significant. At first I wanted to have Willie Nelson on the $5. Hell, his version of Poncho and Lefty was enough to warrant that (in my humble opinion). But he’s still alive, so let’s stick with the dearly departed. How about Johnny Cash or John Wayne for the $5? We could rotate people every five years or so. John Wayne for five years, then maybe we switch to Jackie Robinson.

Think about it. Our money could be used as a venue to show homage to those that helped make our county and the world a better place. Who has put more smiles on faces and brought more laughter and peace to the hearts of people worldwide than freakin’ Mickey Mouse? No one, that’s who! Why not Elvis on the $50? Or Robert Frost or Hemmingway on the $10? How about honoring war hero’s like Patton? It makes perfect sense to me. There is greatness in America that goes far beyond political leaders.

But I would leave the $1 alone. George Washington sort of has to stay put. The Father of our country, leader of the Revolution, first President (not really, there were 8 more before him that we were never taught about in school. Google it.).  He’s our nation’s first real bad ass and rock star, so to speak. And a brewer of some fine beer, as history tells us.

So, who would be the top five people you would honor on our money if you could pick?

April 1–Tasting Heaven

I had been craving it for a long time like an insatiable hunger I could not get rid of. Finally, and with much anticipation, she gave it to me. I had been wanting her to let me have it for a long time. I have to admit that I was nervous before I sank my taste buds into it. Was it going to be everything that I hoped it would be? Once I got my lips on it would I want it again? Would I end up wanting it again too much?

I took about ten minutes to prepare before just diving in. I thought it would be best that way instead of being timid and just tasting around the edge. No, I wanted to devour it. Once I saw it I knew I needed to taste it.

With the television still on I sat on the floor on my knees. I did not take my time before getting started. My lips hit the edges and I immediately felt the warm wetness coat my tongue and before I knew it was dripping down my lips and on my chin. I didn’t care. I went right back at it because there was no way I could help myself. It was like dying of thirst only to find the sweetest nectar the gods could make.

I looked up at her and she was smiling with her mouth opened and her eyes were alive and full of eagerness to hear what I had to say about it. She gasped just a little as she leaned back in the chair.

“I am going to get addicted to this,” I managed say for the brief moment I could pull my lips away. I immediately went back to it almost half out of breath.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said as I moaned with pleasure while my mouth was full.

I savored it, taking a half hour to enjoy every taste and sensation. She let out a soft gasp as I finished when she saw the bliss on my face.

“Was it everything you expected?” she asked.

“It was even better than that. I don’t know how to describe it. It tasted like heaven. Can I get this anytime I crave it?”

“I certainly don’t mind. Anytime you want it, hon,” she said as she looked down at me and smiled.

“This is the most amazing hot chocolate I’ve ever had,” I said as I sat my cup down on the table beside her. “Where did you find it?”

“Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf,” she answered.

April 1, 2016–Movie Recommendations

So I’ve watched a few things lately since getting addicted to Netflix. For you Henry Rollins fans out there, be sure to check out He Never Died. It seems that no matter what Rollins does on film, he always has the same intense look on his face like he is studying for an exam AND wants to kick your ass for talking to him. Seriously—go look up some old Black Flag stuff on YouTube or watch some things he’s filmed for the History Channel or some documentaries he did about animals, specifically snakes! That’s not a knock on Rollins, I’m a fan. He Never Died was an interesting movie with a really great plot where Rollins is Cane—you know, the guy that killed his brother Abel in the Bible. I also recently watched The Veil. That has Jessica Alba in it. Yes, she’s still smokin’ hot. It was a good movie.

I never thought this would happen, but I’m completely bored with The Walking Dead. Still looking forward to Fear The Walking Dead coming back on this month. In other news, Seinfeld and Cheers never get old. Something about laughing and having a cold pint goes well together. For some strange reason I’m hoping The Stand and/or Storm of the Century will come on TV sometime soon. I’ve seen both a dozen times, but it doesn’t seem to matter.

You know what does get old…all the damn Fast and Furious movies. How many of those are they going to pump out before they stop??  Anyway, I think I’m done with this rant for today. Long live Longmire! As for me, this is what I’m going to do the rest of the day…

winchester

 

February 20, 2016

So, two things going on this week that I actually give a crap about…well, three. First, I’ve been writing my ass off. If you’re a follower of my work it might be breaking news that I have been collaborating with another writer, Matt Adder, and will be setting up a company in the near future that will focus on some edgy, raw type of material written in movie script, graphic novels, novellas, short stories…whatever the hell is needed. You will soon find us online by searching for Anarchy Creations Ink. Filing for an LLC should happen within the next month.

Second thing…damn I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately. The Revenant, The Martian, The Forest (damn good horror film), Bridge of Spies, Trumbo, The Force Awakens (3 times) and just about anything and everything in the horror section on NetFlix. The Veil is very good, if you’re into the creepy stuff. I don’t really have a favorite of the newer films, but of those up for awards I think I’d lean more toward Trumbo. I’m no commie. I like Ike…better dead than red. But that was a damn good movie, damn good acting, and a pretty powerful story of a bygone era in Hollywood and America.

Third thing…like many Americans that enjoy a good competitive event, the political primary season is upon us. I don’t get political on these blogs, or publicly, for that matter. I may occasionally make lite of a politician or issue, but I avoid politics. You know why? My pet peeve is when anyone in the entertainment business (actor, musician, writer, whatever) tells me how I’m supposed to vote or feel about some issue. I don’t mind them being passionate and promoting their causes, mind you. There is a difference. I also hate when assholes mix my sports with politics (see this years’ halftime show). You may have a point, but don’t make it in the middle of my freakin’ football game.  Also, I don’t need to hear a commentator’s monologue about a social issue or hot button issue that bleeds into the political realm during halftime of Monday Night Football (Bob Costas). I literally change the channel and find something else to watch when that happens. I can always catch the highlights and spend my time more wisely with a good book or something.

As I look across the field of Democrats and Republicans…all somewhat corrupt, all professional liars…I have to wonder. Is this the best we’ve got? If so then we might be in deep shit here, folks. Just an observation. I hope I’m wrong.

January 21, 2016

50 Books I Think Everyone Should Read

The Power of Now-Eckhart Tolle

The Alchemist-Paulo Coelho

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People-Stephen Covey

The Great Gatsby-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Call of the Wild-Jack London

Slaughterhouse Five-Kurt Vonnegut

Point Omega-Don DeLillo

JFK’s War With the National Security Establishment-Douglas Horne

The Art of the Deal-Donald Trump

A Philosopher’s Notes-Brian Johnson

As I Lay Dying-William Faulkner

Atlas Shrugged-Ayn Rand

Have a Little Faith-Mitch Albom

The Odessa File-Frederick Forsyth

Black Hawk and the Warrior’s Path-Roger Nichols

The Spy Who Came in From the Cold-John LeCarre

Incognito-Gregory Murphy

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings-Maya Angelou

I, Robot-Isaac Asimov

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn-Mark Twain

The Love of the Last Tycoon-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Animal Farm-George Orwell

21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership-John Maxwell

As A Man Thinketh-James Allen

For Whom The Bell Tolls-Ernest Hemingway

Economic Freedom and Interventionism-Ludwig von Mises

Confessions of an Economic Hit Man-John Perkins

Tuesdays With Morrie-Mitch Albom

Cannery Row-John Steinbeck

Life on the Mississippi-Mark Twain

The Catcher in the Rye-J.D. Salinger

1984-George Orwell

The Most Dangerous Game-Richard Connell

Men and Dogs-Katie Crouch

May Day-F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Winner Within-Pat Riley

Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations On and Off the Court-Coach John Wooden

Napoleon Hill’s Road to Success-Napoleon Hill

The Time Keeper-Mitch Albom

Eight Million Gods-Wen Spencer

Tales From the Jazz Age-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Non Obvious: How to Think Different, Curate Ideas, and Predict the Future-Rohit Bhargava

Economics In One Lesson-Henry Hazlitt

Blowback-Christopher Simpson

Lord of the Flies-William Golding

The Picture of Dorian Gray-Oscar Wilde

A Tale of Two Cities-Charles Dickens

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest-Ken Kesey

Walden-Henry David Thoreau

The Art of War-Sun Tzu

 

 

 

 

December 18, 2015

America Loves Giving Someone a Second Chance, So Does Major League Baseball…Unless Your Name Is Pete Rose

Outgoing baseball commissioner Bud Selig seemed to slowly welcome Pete Rose back into the fold, back into the baseball world where he rightly belongs. The fans have been shouting about this for a long time. Rose bet on baseball…the worst sin in the game. But is it really?

Pete

Rose has spent years trying to attone for his actions and has pleaded his case to anyone who would listen for a long time. For the All Time Hit Leader, baseball is life. He couldn’t make that point more clearly. And being banned from baseball was crushing. However, to fans around the country the fact that Pete Rose is barred from ever being in the Hall of Fame is an even bigger sin. The All Time Hit Leader…let those words sink in. No one is ever likely to even catch him in this category.

Selig left the door wide open for Rose to be allowed back into baseball and eligible for the Hall of Fame. And rightly so. However, he did not have the courage of his convictions to pull the trigger and make the tough decision. Instead, he passed that along to Commissioner Rob Manfred who took the helm in January of this year. To your average baseball fan (and even to a rabid one like me) it seemed as if Manfred was going to make the right decision for baseball. The right decision for the fans!! It was time to let Pete Rose back into baseball. The Hit King at least deserved that much.

On an uneventful day this month Manfred announced that he was denying Pete Rose his chance at seeing his name in the Hall of Fame during his lifetime. A man who spent his entire life giving to the game and to the fans…gave every bit of effort he could muster. He wasn’t the greatest athlete on the field. Far from it! But he hustled his ass off and everyone appreciated him for it.

In an age where players can get contracts for hundreds of millions despite cheating the game and the fans and the record books by using steriods and other performance enhancing drugs, Pete Rose is denied his place in baseball. Without naming names (we all see these stories on ESPN) there are athletes given second, third and fourth chances to redeem themselves and their reputiations despite constant drug and alcohol abuse, despite beating the shit out of their wives, girlfriends, and children, despite thier blatant disregard for fans or for the game that they love.

I wouldn’t deny any athlete a second chance…or any person, for that matter. America loves a good comeback story. So does sports. So does baseball. Unless your name is Pete Rose. Then the powers that be think you should go to hell.

Pete Rose will be in the Hall of Fame one day. Unfortunately Manfred and MLB has made the cruel choice of making sure that he won’t live to see his hard work and passion for the game reach that last step.

Let him in.

November 28, 2015

What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given?

First of all, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I’m already looking forward to Christmas. The tree is up and I finished all of my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving. The presents are wrapped and already under the tree. I got an early start on things this year. I’m not rushing the holiday. I’m savoring it.

So, let’s get on with this “advice” question I randomly selected from 300 Writing Prompts. I have found (as I’m sure you have, too) that in this life there is no shortage of people giving you advice, criticism, second guessing your work or decisions, or basically telling you what they would have done without ever walking an inch in your shoes. I have gotten my fair share of advice from family, friends and strangers. Some good and some bad.  However, a great piece of advice sticks out from one of my old high school teachers.

I forget if it was 10th or 11th grade, but I was in Biology class and a friend of mine from down the street where I lived had class with me. I remember that we had these old wooden black top tables that would sit two students each and Jody came in just as the bell sounded. He sat down beside me looking lost. He had this defeated look on his face. We all knew why. It was a small town and most of us kids knew each other from the time we started kindergarten. In this instance, everyone knew that Jody’s girlfriend had broken up with him that morning before he even got to his first class. News traveled fast around the hallowed halls of Richlands High when it came to issues of love and loss.

It didn’t take long for Mr. Able to notice the depressed look on my buddy’s face and ask what was wrong. Jody, without flinching, told the old man that he was dumped by his girlfriend that day and he was still pretty sad about it. That’s when the old man, twice divorced himself, sounded out a statement that we all took as advice going forward. “Class!” he said in a booming voice. “Life is difficult. And relationships are difficult. Don’t ever forget what I’m about to tell you. The person who dictates the relationship is the person who cares the least. I learned that one the hard way.”

It was true in Jody’s situation all those years ago. I haven’t seen the guy since we graduated. I hope he learned from that advice. It’s true, though. No matter what the relationship…love, friendship, work or play. Which one are you in your relationships? We’re all probably a little bit of both. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way a couple of times, myself. Maybe one day it will sink in.

October 17, 2015

The Coolest Gift I’ve Ever Gotten

It has been a long time since my last blog entry. A couple of months have gone by, but it has been the longest and the fastest couple of months of my life. That probably makes no sense to anyone unless you’ve walked in my shoes the past 60 days or so. So, in the spirit of keeping this blog honest I’m going to get a bit personal for all three readers of this blog.

This is a bit of a sad entry for me, but it ends nicely. I promise. My father passed away in the wee hours of September 30th after battling end stage C.O.P.D. and congestive heart failure for a long time. Over the past two months or so of his life he went downhill quickly. Over the past six months he had three heart attacks but his lungs just eventually gave out on him.

If you have been a caregiver for someone terminal then you probably know all about the range of emotions you feel going through it. I’ll spare you from reading about mine, but to say there was anger and a severe depression over the past year would be an understatement. And to add to it, the past year I have been so scatterbrained that I’m surprised at times I functioned normally. Stress will do that to a person, I suppose. More than once I had forgotten important things…to me, to friends, and to family. I probably came across as an uncaring person from time to time. And I never really explained the severity of the depression I was going through to anyone. I gave a couple of close friends a bit of a glimpse, but felt too embarrassed for them to know the full extent. I even lost one of those friends during this emotional process.

So fast forward to today. After weeks of barely sleeping and being on edge, and nearly losing my other parent to a major heart attack and two major heart procedures over the past 60 days, I have finally managed to get some rest and find a bit of peace, even though coming to grips with what we all saw coming has been easier said than done. About three weeks before my father passed away, he spoke with my mother about his upcoming funeral. I found out only a couple days before he was buried that my father wanted me to have the American flag that was draped over his coffin. After the 21 gun salute was held, I was presented with this flag and the 21 shell casings fired in honor of his service with the U.S. Army.

He was very proud of those years that he served. I was surprised that he wanted the flag to go to me. However, I was honored to accept it on his behalf. With the enormous amount of stress that I had been through I know that there are lessons to be learned from going through something like this and I’m glad most people don’t have to carry such a load that I carried for the past year.

Having those old warriors present me with his service flag was something that I’ll never forget. I have it displayed proudly on the mantle over the fireplace. Thanks, dad. This was the coolest gift I’ve ever gotten.

Picture1003151553_1

 

August 11, 2015

What books can be found on your bookshelf right now?

I always wondered if you could tell a lot about a person by what they read. I’ll leave that up to you. When I got a Kindle I donated most of my books to the public library so I’ll have to go by memory. I have a couple hundred books on my Kindle, a bunch on a Sony e-Reader a friend gave me a couple years ago, and a few more books that I didn’t really want to part with. So, instead of my current bookshelf (digital or otherwise) I’ve put together a list of some of my all time favorite books in no particular order.  However, this is only a short list. I have too many favorites to count. I’m sure I’ll think of a dozen more as soon as I finish this list.

The Great Gatsby—F. Scott Fitzgerald

Cannery Row—John Steinbeck

The Killing Room—John Manning

The Winner Within—Pat Riley

Think and Grow Rich—Napoleon Hill

A Lifetime of Riches—Napoleon Hill

Wooden; A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court—John Wooden

Get In the Game—Cal Ripkin, Jr.

Heart Shaped Box—Joe Hill

JFK’s War With the National Security Establishment—Douglas Horne

Duma Key—Stephen King

Tales of the Jazz Age—F. Scott Fitzgerald

Life on the Mississippi—Mark Twain

Walden—Henry David Thoreau

Fat Vampire Series—Johnny Truant

Doctor Sleep—Stephen King

Have a Little Faith—Mitch Albom

The Odessa File—Frederick Forsyth

Term Limits—Vince Flynn

Confessions of an Economic Hitman—John Perkins

This Side of Paradise—F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Catcher in the Rye—J.D. Salinger

For One More Day—Mitch Albom

Call of the Wild—Jack London

The Russia House—John LeCarre

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People—Stephen R. Covey

Omega Point—Don DeLillo

What’s on your bookshelf?

August 1, 2015

If you had the extra resources and the extra time to go back to school, what would you like to study?

Whew! I opened to a random page and got this question. Glad it wasn’t something too personal because I promised myself I’d be blunt and honest with this little experiment. Let me preface this dialogue with some general data about my education. I Graduated high school from a small town in Virginia. After that I started off at a community college to sort of see if I had an interest in anything. At the time I thought I wanted to be a lawyer. It didn’t take long for me to decide that I would rather people actually like me, so I cancelled the lawyer thing much to my mother’s disapproval.

After that, I decided to go to what was then called Clinch Valley College in the small town of Wise, VA. I graduated from there (now called University of Virginia-Wise) with a B.S. in Economics and Political Science. I really enjoyed those two subjects. Economics, as boring as it sounds, really is a complicated way at explaining common sense. To me it is a combination of philosophy, psychology, and history. Money matters often explain the “why” to many historical events. You’ve heard the expression “follow the money.” So I am not entirely unhappy with my choices then.

If I could go back to college now it would be great. I’m at a time of my life when my curiosity for everything is incredibly high and I consider myself a student as I wander through life anyway. I read a ton! I read everything I can get my hands on.

I would love to have the time and resources to really delve into philosophy and psychology. I’d add history to that list, too, but I wouldn’t want to spread myself too thin. I think most of the learning comes from the discussions within these subjects when we discover our own truths for ourselves. That fascinates me.

July 24, 2015

10 Commandments of College Life

This is something I’ve ranted about before since I now am old enough to have a niece going to college. So I thought I’d post this up again here for your reading pleasure. If you are getting ready to go to college you need to have some guidelines and rules to live by. Perhaps these will be a loose set of rules for you. I had a great time at college. I had an even better time at grad school in Radford, VA. Most of the town and campus, at that time, knows that I had a great time!

Here are the rules:

10. I don’t encourage underage drinking. In fact, I suggest you don’t break the law. However, I’m not an idiot. You go away to college and you’re away from home and the parental controls and you’re likely to partake in an adult beverage from time to time. Or for some of you party animals…every damn weekend and Wednesdays. So if you insist on drinking, I suggest you pick out a liquor that you actually like and slowly build up a tolerance. Slowly! I mean that. Don’t go pick up a fifth of your new best friend and drink half the bottle on a Friday night. You know what happens when you do that? You either have the worst hangover of your life that lasts for three days or you freaking die. Seriously. Go slow. That way over your college years when you have a birthday or a party or something, your cohorts will recognize you as the guy that likes Crown or a particular vodka. They’ll give you those as gifts from time to time and if you pace yourself you’ll have a nice stash of whatever you drink that should last you at least two or three years past college. Why pay for it if you can have enough of it bought for you for various reasons.

9. Pick a cool professor that you actually like. Preferably someone who is closer to your age and barely tenured. You never know when you might need a professor to have your back when you do some dumb shit at college.

8. Do not buy beer for minors!! I stress that. It’s bad. However, once again I won’t be foolish. If you insist on buying beer for underage drinkers, recruit two or three friends along with you to be the beer-buyers. It is best that at least a couple of those “of age” friends be pretty girls. Pretty girls get invited to more parties. When everyone is drunk let the hosts know that they are running low on beer. You’d hate for the babes to leave. So you collect $ from these suckers to go out and buy another case for them. Make sure you approach people individually about the beer shortage. Collect ten bucks from four or five people. Come back and drop off the case of beer. Collect $50 for a $20 case of cheap beer. Split the proceeds with your pals. You hit a few parties each weekend and make a couple hundred bucks. Not a bad score and you look like the good guy for doing the deed.

7. Make friends with a couple of upper classmen with a nice apartment. You never know when your roommate is going to be a dick and you need some place to crash.

6. Now that you’re in college and all growed up, it’s time to put away that shit music that got you through high school and expand your musical tastes. Listen to different things. No more Ke$sha, no more shitty rap music where every other word has to be deleted in the videos. Don’t be that person that still listens to Minaj and Miley, or that white kid that still thinks he’s bad ass by swinging that baseball cap around backwards and listening to gangsta rap. Don’t be that douche bag. Go back and explore musical history by checking out some old Muddy Watters, crossing time into the late 60’s, the re-emergence of some edgier music in the 70’s. I do suggest you avoid disco. But make sure you hang out in the era of George Clinton and the P-Funk Allstars. You will Funkin’ dig it. Try some newer alternative stuff. Don’t be closed minded. It’s a big damn world out there. Pop culture just slings mind numbing shit for the masses. Be smarter than that.

5. A simple slogan says it all: Better Dead Than Red. I’d wager a guess that at least 95% of the faculty at your university are left wing progressives. Don’t let those commies beat the spirit of socialism into you. Question authority. After all, they hide on campus behind academia and have never had to produce in the real world. Those that can DO. Those that can’t TEACH. Remember that. Communism sucks. Don’t let the commies beat you down. To borrow a word from your pals Public Enemy, “Fight The Power.”

4. Be a prankster. You have four to six years of college, depending on how lazy you are. Have some fun with it. It’s a great time before you go into the real world and actually have to take responsibility for your actions. Find someone else in your dorm that has a good sense of humor and won’t kill you for pushing the envelope against them and start a good natured practical joke war. Be careful that you don’t take it too far. You don’t want to be newsworthy at 6 o’clock or anything. Try something funny like waiting until your target is out of his room. He will likely lock the door if he’s smart. That’s when you take a piss in a pizza pan and put it in the freezer. When it is frozen you take it out and pop the frozen circle of piss out like you would with an ice tray. Then you slide it under the door with enough force that it makes it to the middle of his room. When he gets back he’ll wonder how someone got in and took a piss on his floor. A clever little trick if you can avoid being caught by your R.A.

3. Enjoy life in the Quad. When it is warm girls show up in bikinis to work on their tan. It is especially fun to hang out during co-ed intramurals. I knew a guy who would sneak out at night and drop a deuce in the sand where they play volleyball. That was always a laugh when some guy would tromp through the litter box with no shoes on.

2. Debt sucks. Don’t let the snake oil salesmen pawn a dozen credit cards on you that you can’t even make payments on. And you definitely don’t want to still be paying for a cheese pizza you ate during your junior year three years after you graduate. Don’t run up a lot of credit card debt unless, of course, your parents are footing the bill. Then by all means go buy that new Kindle.

1. Don’t forget to be a dreamer. That nerd at Facebook invented that platform while he was in college. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs dropped out of college and made their millions because they weren’t afraid to chase dreams. Just because you are in college doesn’t mean that you can’t develop some new concept or find your own niche in this world while you are there. Those who are foolish enough to think they can change the world are the one’s that actually do. Don’t be afraid to overachieve even in the moment. If you have a chance to do something 15 times in three days then go for it! (Whatever the heck that means.)

So here is one more tip for you guys who are planning on going to college this Fall. Get out a notepad and a pen and take some notes. These movies will change your point of view about college life. Make sure you watch these before the next semester. This is important.

American Pie 2

PCU

Old School

Revenge of the Nerds

Revenge of the Nerds 2

The Graduate (an old movie, but the guy shows you how to extend your lazy streak well past college and how to get lucky at the same time)

With Honors

Dead Man On Campus

Back To School

Good luck kiddos, and have fun!

July 16, 2015

I have spoken to many writers over the years about their writing habits and traditions. I have a tradition that I have kept since I finished the rough draft of my first book (written under another name) back in 2003. When I finish a rough draft I always take the time to go outside in the sun and smoke a premium cigar, usually a Makers Mark. I assume that’s better than stripping naked and drinking whiskey outside. At least for the neighbors!

I have noticed that most writers need absolute silence when they write. They can’t stand even the slightest of distraction. I guess that’s understandable. I, on the other hand, would go insane without some sort of background noise. I prefer to have music playing when I write, preferably something that sets the tone for what I am writing. If I am writing something that is edgy and a bit out there, like Bedtime Stories For the Terminally Afraid, I will listen to something like The Doors or even go so far as Type O Negative.

For this goofy book, A Man Called Doosh, I had a totally different playlist. If you haven’t read it yet you can pick it up for you Kindle or NOOK for only $2.99. It won’t break your bank account, but if you don’t check it out you just might break my heart. Heh! Oh, and while you’re at it, add The Doosh Playlist to your MP3. It makes your workout at the gym go faster.

Dirty White Boy by Foreigner

Jive Talkin’ by the Bee Gees

Don’t Bring Me Down by ELO

Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting by Elton John

Street Fighting Man by The Rolling Stones

I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred

Strut by Sheena Easton

U Got the Look by Prince

Legs by ZZ Top

TNT by AC/DC

 

 

 

Top 10 Dead Comedians

There’s nothing like sitting down on the couch and watching a funny movie or some stand up comedy or improvisation. A classic Saturday Night Live episode or someone tearing up the crowd on a Comedy Central half hour special or Roast. Some of the greatest comedians have graced us with some classic lines, amazing movies, and video footage we’ll never forget and that we will never see the likes of again. Some comedians are just so genius at what they do that they are truly one of a kind and we should feel grateful that we got to witness the best these comics had to give before they passed away.

Although there are a lot of great comedians out there, this top ten list is to pay homage to the greats. There should be many more on this list, but this is just a personal list of my favorite comedians that are no longer with us. So let’s get on with it. Feel free to let me know who your favorite dead comedians are!

Top 10 Dead Comedians:

10.Greg Giraldo–Who the heck is Greg Giraldo?? That’s a good question! And one that many of his fellow Roasters busted his balls about the entire time he was a Roaster for Comedy Central. However, for those that have seen him on the Roasts or doing a stand up special on TV, this guy was pretty unforgettable. He was the very one who asked the same question that every struggling comedian asks, but only he asked it at the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy. “You’re Larry the Cable Guy. How did that bit make you $50 million dollars???”

Giraldo checked out way too young and before most people got a chance to laugh at his act. But I don’t think it was an act with Giraldo. The guy was a natural. He died in 2010 at the age of 44 by an accidental overdose of prescription medication.

9. Richard Jeni–The thing about Richard Jeni is that his stand up comedy specials will never get old. His mannerisms and delivery of a joke or story was such that it drew an audience in. I have watched the same stand up specials at least a dozen times and find myself laughing every time and stealing those jokes to tell to others. Jeni died in 2007 at the age of 49 by a self inflicted gunshot to the head.

8. George Carlin–Carlin delivered his humor with a bit of anger and angst. Although he had a way of being offensive to some, they way he told a joke or made a comment about a controversial subject still kind of had to make you laugh. One of my own personal philosophies I learned from this master of comedy. I remember watching one of his HBO specials and heard him say that he had two major rules in life. He never trusted anything the government said, and he never trusted anything the media said. They were both equally full of shit. Well said, Mr. Carlin. I’m still laughing at your wit and wisdom.
Carlin died in 2008 at the age of 71.

7. John Ritter–Ah, one of my favorites of all time. Ritter was never into stand up comedy, but if you have ever watched his movies or Three’s Company, you’ll get the reason for John Ritter being on this list. His list of comedies include Real Men and Skin Deep.
John Ritter passed away in 2003 at the age of 54.

6. Gilda Radner–Radner was one of the original cast members of Saturday Night Live. She was on the show from 1975 to 1980 and created such classic characters as Roseanne Roseannadanna that would tell gross stories about celebrities on the show’s Weekend Update segment. Another hilarious character was Baba Wawa (a spoof on Barbara Walters). Remember the character Emily Litella, the hearing impaired woman that gave news updates on the news segment! Hilarious…”flea erections in China.”

Who could forget her role in the movie Haunted Honeymoon! Great film. Radner died of ovarian cancer in 1989 at the age of 42.

5. Johnny Carson–Carson was a master of his craft and entertained America for decades before retiring from The Tonight Show. Since his departure, late night television has never been the same and his two heir apparents to the throne of late night (Leno and Letterman) have failed to live up to the standard that Johnny Carson set.

However, with such a high bar did anyone really expect late night TV to ever be the same after he left? He was a once in a lifetime comedian that wore shoes that will never be filled in the world of comedy. To say that Johnny Carson is a legend would be a gross understatement.

Carson died in 2005 at the age of 79.

4. Richard Pryor–Pryor thrilled audiences on stage as well as in films. But it wasn’t just his “colorful” language that set him apart at the time, it was the way he told a story and the appeal that he had to a wide audience in the 1970’s. I think proper credit has to be given to Pryor because if it wasn’t for him paving the way for a lot of other black comedians we very well might have never seen the rise of stars like Eddie Murphy or even more recently Chris Rock. Pryor could deliver a clean joke just as easily as he would a joke about drug abuse or racial issues. You had to laugh.

Pryor was in some classic movies such as See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Moving, Critical Condition and Harlem Nights. Pryor also wrote for the television shows Sanford and Son and the Flip Wilson Show. Pryor died in 2005 from a heart attack. He was 65 years old.

3. Sam Kinison–Most of America was introduced to this former preacher turned comic when he had a short role in the movie Back To School starring Rodney Dangerfield. He played the part of a psychotic history professor that took his job a bit too seriously. However, Kinison quickly rose to the top of the A-list of comics with his loud and abrasive act, and his angry comedic style. It was a role that fit him perfectly. He even went on to have a hit video on MTV with the remake of Wild Thing. The video featured Jessica Hahn dressed scantily and dancing and rolling around the star studded cast of rock stars. Leave it to Kinison to throw fire on a controversy involving the church.

Kinison was killed in 1992 by a 17 year old drunk driver. Kinison was married 5 days before his death. He was 38.

2. John Belushi–Belushi is still considered one of the greatest comedians of all time. To see why all you need to do is watch the Blues Brothers or Animal House. Even though he didn’t have many lines in Animal House, he showed just how important physical comedy is in making a good movie or skit. He is still considered the ICON of the Saturday Night Live alumni and was multi talented in more ways than just his alcohol and drug consumption, which is what many recall when they think of Belushi. I prefer to remember the Samaria Chef, Bluto, and Jake Blues.

Belushi died in 1982 at the age of 33 by a combined injection of cocaine and heroin, also called a speedball.

1. Rodney Dangerfield–I put Dangerfield at the top of this list because the guy deserves nothing but respect. His stand up acts were riotous and his movies (although he considered himself a piss poor actor) were hilarious. Look up some old YouTube clips of Dangerfield and hold on to your hat. Even his appearances on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson were rip roaring. You could tell that he was a crowd favorite.

However, although he was a master of comedy, I think Dangerfield should be remembered for his efforts at giving other comedians a chance at the stage. He owned a comedy club called Dangerfield’s where he would give chances to little known comedians and help them along with their careers. Maybe you are familiar with a few of the comedians he helped along the way: Jerry Seinfeld, Andrew Dice Clay, Sam Kinison, Jeff Foxworthy, Jay Leno.

Dangerfield died in 2004 at the age of 82.

Final thought: It sucks that so many great comics are gone. Whew, I’m glad the Dice Man is still around. I’m holding out hope for Ford Fairlane Part II!

 

 

My short-term reading list:

I used to be able to juggle a couple of books at a time, figuratively…not literally. Now I find myself reading several at once and bouncing back and forth, sometimes reading at a snail’s pace and other times devouring the pages rapidly for hours. Lately I’ve added some hippie classics to my reading list. I’m in the first one-third of Tom Wolfe’s The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test about his experiences with the Merry Pranksters during the late 1960’s.

I’m also reading Brave New World by Huxley. I’m not sure what I expected when I started reading this because the expectations and reputation of this book is through the roof. I’ll hold judgement until I’m finished. The Death Instinct by Rubenfeld is very good so far, but for some reason I’m tackling this book with the pace of an earth worm. It’s nothing against Rubenfeld’s writing, this is all on me. I’m far enough in that I would recommend it to others that like books set in the early 20th century. Read the description online and I think you’ll want to read it.

So far 15 Seconds by Andrew Gross is very fast paced. When I finish one or two of these I need to pick up some horror. Been missing that lately.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *